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What's Up
With Ryan Now???
(Not
much, really. But we need another forum for our attention
seeking.)
(That,
and we want chicks who are willing to husk our corncob to know
where to find us these days)
Ryan
"Love Monkey" Anderson
After a bout with
Malaria, Ryan went off to Carleton University in the nation's
capital. There, he studied like a dog in heat, who was studying
a lot, and learned that his lifelong aspiration to become an architect
was merely a phase. He now hates houses, and is not very
fond of Ethnic Albanians. (Editor's note: Lousy Ethnic Albanians).
Ryan is now majoring in Albanian studies, and minoring in Advertising
Communications. Here's a sample of his skills:
Ethnic Albanians aside, Ryan now works in a big computer store, known to many as the OfficePlace. Known to the rest as the OfficePlace. It makes him detest life, and question why he even bothers to exist. "Does this have a . . .hard . . . drive?" Shit, there should be a test you can take before you can buy a computer.
Question 1: Do you regularly sleep with your cousin. (This here question eliminates the majority of OfficePlace shoppers)
While attending University, Ryan met an array of wacky bastards, to whom he would like to give "props".
- Joe Boughner (rhymes with booger, or mushugina). Joe gets drunk and makes an idiot of himself a lot. But the best thing about him, is that he has a good time doing it.
- Laura Scarface: This crazy wop is pretty cool. Unbeknownst to us for the better part of the year, her cousin, who attends school all the way in Toronto with Andrew, and even lives in Andrew's building, said Andrew was one of the "most annoying people she's ever met". Needless to say, Andrew tried to hit on her.
- Jenna Stook: My favourite immigrant. Except for Al Gondoli, who runs the deli down the street. He gives-a-me extra salami. His deli is called "Special Deli-ivery" He's not very witty. Anyway, I made that all up. Jenna's kinda witty. Good segue. Bye.
- Aloma Jardine: Ryan met her through the play he was in. Just think of what a great song this girl's name would make:
Aloma, you put me in a coma
You're better than glaucoma
You're getting your diploma,
Glad you don't have melanoma
And I like your aroma
Aloma.
(Sung to the tune of Dude Looks Like a Lady)Anyways, we're working on a children's story together. It's called "Ryan and the Oobleck" but that's just the working title. Mrrmle, mrrmle, mrrmle. (If you know anything about children's books, that joke will make sense to you, or if you're a crack baby.)
Ladies, Ryan is single and cuddly. He's been busy looking for love in all the wrong places, ie. Albania and that Lesbo bar called the Bearded Clam. Any reasonably attractive chicks should email him for lots of sex. No fat chicks. (No Andrew's Mom, either)
This is boring. Get my ass
on the next page.
